FEELING KEJAP!

Malam2 ni rasanya sayu aje. Nak feeling semacam aje. Biasalah kayak si pungguk rindukan bulan. Pokoknya, bulan enggak muncul. Karena bulan tak taste ngn pungguk. Kesian si pungguk yg bernama 'aku'. Sob sob sob! Maka si pungguk pun layan lagu 'Tapi Bukan aku' dinyanyikan sang pujangga bernama 'KerisPatih'.

Jangan lagi kau sesali keputusanku

ku tak ingin kau semakin kan terluka

tak ingin ku paksakan cinta ini meski

tiada sanggup untuk kau terima

aku memang manusia paling berdosa

khianati rasa demi keinginan semu

lebih baik jangan mencintaiku aku

dan semua hatikukarena takkan

pernah kau temui, cinta sejati

reff:berakhirlah sudah semua kisah ini

dan jangan kau tangisi lagi sekalipun aku takkan pernah mencoba kembali

padamu sejuta kata maaf terasa kan percuma

sebab rasa ku tlah mati untuk menyadarinya
semoga saja kan kau dapati

hati yg tulus mencintaimu tapi bukan aku
repeat reff

Lirik lagu ini menyentuh banget umpama puisi yg menyentuh si pungguk. Memang keren! Sedih teramat. Kesian ya si pungguk a.k.a. si beruk. Apa salahnya kan beruk. Janji kau happy dengan cara kau. Me too. Masih merindukan si bulan yg tak kunjung tiba.

NOTHING!

Here I am, sitting comfortably on my bed, staring blankly at my laptop, while the tv is playing Grey's Anatomy and my radio is playing HotFM. I have a mental block now. Dunno what to write. But i guess i had to write something. Hey, what i'm doing now. I AM writing. Let's see. What about my day today? Today is like any other day at work. Busy as usual. Interviewing not so great candidate. Why can't I find a credible male (cute) employee?

Then, it was the moment when I had to break news to my staff (freelancer) that I'm not renewing her contract. I felt so bad but I had to. Somebody has to break the news to her. I can feel her sadness but I had to since it is a mandate by the company to not renew contract for freelancers.

Other than that, my bff who was having crisis with his bf, has finally kissed and made up with bf. As much as i want his happiness, but deep inside, i wish i could have my bff back. I pretty much lost all my bffs the moment they have bf. I do envy them. Why i can't be like them? Happy with their other half. But it just pissed me off with the fact that they will always come back to me whenever they quarelled with their bf. I was like their 'agony aunt'. A problem solver.

I dun want to be selfish but i'm starting to. Why can't my life be about me, not them?

Hidung tak mancung, pipi tersorong-sorong!

What does it mean? In my book, it means "jangan terhegeh2". I have been terhegeh2 all my life (I think). Terhegeh2 suka pada orang yg kita suka padahal orang tu tak suka kita langsung ataupun 'suam suam kuku' aje dgn kita. Kita aje yg perasan lebih atau syok sendiri. Tapi biasalah tu kan, syok sendiri coz everyone craves for something that they long for and wish for and fancy.

Including me. Tak serik2. That's what my friends have been telling me since Day 1. Seperti orang lain, aku nak juga menyukai seseorang yang aku fancy dengan harapan orang tu akan menyukai kita juga. Tapi tak semuanya tercapai. For me at least. I guess i'm juz unlucky compared to my friends. They can easily get the guy of their dreams. Maybe i'm bad luck (dah tercop di dahi). Or am i juz out of luck?

Dunno! Maybe. Maybe not. You know what. i think i should make a stand for myself. Not to 'terhegeh-hegeh' anymore. Just take life as it is. Kalau ada orang suka, ok lah. Kalau tak ada pun, just move on. After all, i'm not 17 going to 34. I AM 34! So, life doesn't have to be that complicated. So, let's not make my life more complicated than it is now. Think about me. My career. My mum. My nephews. My new apartment. My traveling plans. My new car (maybe).

Self-absorbed gays!

I had a hectic couple of days; been in an offsite meeting at Cyberjaya. Kinda like a team building thingie. It was fun, at times, since the staff got to 'get loose' and have fun and getting to know each other a lil bit more. Though i might say, some of them, got a lil carried away; drinking too much and getting a 'hangover' on Day 2 and some 'hanky panky' along the way. Nonetheless, the resort is so beautiful and the room is so spacious.

Enough about the event. Back to the original topic. What do the words 'self-absorbed gays' mean? They mean gays who love themselves so much that they think they are better and superior beings than other gays. They are so self-absorbed that they think that they are the kings (or shall I say QUEENS) of the world, more appropriately, the PLU world. It's a classic case double standard in any society. But so much apparent in gay society.

This is what happened to me just now. Aku tengah tunggu nak naik lif at my apartment block when suddenly this gay couple also arrived and tengah tunggu nak naik lif at the same time. Ada 3 lif at my apartment block. Masa tunggu lif tu, i noticed that both of them gave me that 'cynical' look. You know. That ' i am way better than you' kinda look. That schmuck look. That superior look. i was taken aback by their attitude and what made it worst is that bila pintu lif terbuka, i pun went in but i heard the bf cakap 'Tak nak naik lah. Kita tunggu the next one lah'.

OMG! I wish i nak cakap aje yg diorang ni perasan handsome. Macam lah handsome or all that sangat. macamlah i nak terhegeh2 kat diorang. So pathetic! I wonder how long they will stay as a couple with that attitude. Which brings me to the essence of double standard practice among the gay ppl. Why would one think that they are superior, better, than the other gays? It's bad enough that there aren't many gays in the world and the prevailing discriminating laws against gays. Sesama sendiri pun nak dengki or memandang rendah to the other gays. I pity them.

Perhaps, they need a wake up call that they are not, after all, perfect. The pie is big enough for everyone to have a piece of it. A little humility is good enough. Imagine a world with lots of self-absorbed people or gays; everyone goes for a perfection. Incredibly anal! Insanely vain! Condemning and punishing those 'civilian' with flaws. What would that world turn out to be? A chaotic world of "fakeness". A total recipe for disaster!

June 2008

7 June - Watched 'Prom Night' with G4 Kage.
7 June - Shagged Mj Dani.
7 June - Depart to Langkawi
8 June - Checked in Holiday Villa, Langkawi (Pantai Tengah)
10 June - Checked out from Holiday Villa
20 June - Shagged Mj Anas
22 June - Shagged Mj Anas
23 June - Shagged G4 Clip
25 June - Shagged Danial
27 June - Shagged Fc Alfarizan
30 June - Shagged 8 Mamat

June recap:
1. Movie date = 1
2. Shag = 7 (OMG!)
3. Holiday escapade = 1

Tentang kamu

Aku mulai meminati Bunga Citra Lestari way before she fell in love with Ashraf. She is so pretty and angelic in 'Cinta pertama'. I love her acting so much that i had to find the movie dvd. The movie wasn't what i had expected it to be. The cinematography saved it though. Acting wise - some wooden performances from the cast. Nonetheless, the song 'Cinta Pertama' set BCL's foray into the Indonesian showbiz. She has acted in a few sinetrons thereafter. But, let's not talk about her wedding to Ashraf. Let's talk about the album. I'm glad to say that the album is worthy with some easy listening songs and BCL's vocal has definitely improved. My favs apart from 'Aku dan dirimu, of course is 'Tentang Kamu'. This song should be played repeatedly and insanely when you are all alone at home, lazying on your bed, watching the full moon from your window, hoping that your loved one would come over and caress you until you fall asleep in his / her arms. Mmmm!

Ku tak bisa menebak

ku tak bisa membaca

tentang kamu

tentang kamu

kau buat ku bertanya

slalu dalam hatiku

tentang kamu

tentang kamu

[reff]bagaimana bila akhirnya ku cinta kau

dari kekuranganmu hingga lebihmu

bagaimana bila semua benar terjadi

mmungkin inilah yang terindah

begitu banyak bintang

seperti pertanyaanku

tentang kamu

tentang kamu

Waduh! Masyuk amat lagu ini. Aku pengen punya pacar yg bisa kubelai sambil kita berdua melihat bintang di langit. Melambai pada bulan yg penuh. Kapan aku bisa temui 'kamu'?

Ada apa dengan Afgan? (Chapter 3)

Lagu kedua Afgan pilihan gue pastinya 'Sadis'.
'Sadis' mengisahkan kekasih yang mempermainkan perasaan pacarnya. It's like taking your supposed lover for a ride. An emotinal 'roller coaster' ride. Faking one's love to another. lagu ni kayaknya pacar setia yg dikhianati cintanya.

Sadis
Terlalu Sadis Caramu
Menjadikan Diriku
Pelampiasan Cintamu
Agar Dia Kembali Padamu
Tanpa Peduli Sakitnya Aku

Tega Nian Nya Caramu
Menyingkirkan Diriku
Dari Percintaan Ini
Agar Dia Kembali Padamu
Tanpa Peduli Sakitnya Aku

Semoga Tuhan Membalas Semua Yang Terjadi
Kepadaku Suatu Saat Nanti
Hingga Kau Sadari Sesungguhnya Yang Kau Punya
Hanya Aku Tempatmu Kembali
Sebagai Cintamu

Hanya Aku Tempat Mu Kembali

Semoga Tuhan Membalas Semua Yang Terjadi
Kepadaku Suatu Saat Nanti
Hingga Kau Sadari Sesungguhnya Yang Kau Punya
Hanya Aku Tempatmu Kembali
Sebagai Cintamu

Hingga Kau Sadari Sesungguhnya Yang Kau Punya
Hanya Aku Ooo...
Sebagai Cintamu

Check out the music video: I just love Afgan's pouty lips. So kissable! Aku mau kiss Afgan, bisa nggak? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pEs7tdoWsY&feature=related

Ada apa dengan Afgan? (Chapter 2)

Lagu yang membuat aku terpana dengan cowok bernama Afgan, "Terima Kasih Cinta".
Lagunya is so simple yet puitis. A good "good night" song.

Terima Kasih Cinta

Tersadar didalam sepiku
Setelah jauh melangkah
Cahaya kasihmu menuntunku
Kembali dalam dekap tanganmu

Chorus: Terima kasih cinta untuk segalanya
Kau berikan lagi kesempatan itu
Tak akan terulang lagi
Semuaaa kesalahanku yang pernah menyakitimu

Tanpamu tiada berarti
Tak mampu lagi berdiri
Cahaya kasihmu menuntunku
Kembali dalam dekapan tanganmu

Ulang Chorus
ouuwwww...ouuwwww...
Terima kasih cinta untuk segalanya
Kau berikan lagi kesempatan itu
Tak akan terulang lagi
Semuaaa kesalahanku
oouuwww
Kesalahanku yang pernah menyakitimu

Click this link to view the music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZG_xBIN5gFQ

Ada apa dengan Afgan? (Chapter 1)

Aku suka banget ama male singer dari Indonesia ini, Afgan namanya. Mukanya yang innocent. Geeky. Cute. Suaranya bagus banget kayak orangnya. Nama penuh: Afgan Syah Reza. Born on 29th May 1989. 19 years old with a big beautiful serene voice. Anak ke 2 daripada 4 org. Hobi: Berenang. I would love to see him wearing only a tight speedo. Yum! Mesti smooth body dia. He has that face kayak cowok yg pasti setia ama pacarnya. A perfect candidate for my boyfriend. Hehehe! Suara yg keren banget! Debut album title: Confession No.1. (released on 1st Jan 2008). Lagu pilihan gue pastinya: Terima Kasih Cinta dan Sadis.

Reaching to the top of Mount Kinabalu for the 2nd time

Hi All. I have conquered the peak of Mount Kinabalu (Low's Peak to be exact) for the 2nd time within 2 years. Thanks to Astro for sponsoring my trip to climb the ever-challenging Mount Kinabalu. There were about 24 of us, the climbers, representing Astro for the sake of charity. This was my 1st charity effort ever. Good on me! I would love to do more of charity work from now onwards.

The climbers!

Masa ni tengah segar lagi. Yalah. Tengah bersemangat nak mendaki Gunung Kinabalu kan. Starts mendaki dalam kul 9.05 pagi.

Sampai Laban Rata 2.20ptg. It was windy and raining. But the climb was worth it. This time around, the climb was tougher since there were muds and the path was slippery. But it was more fun since there were more climbers than before.

Birthday Akmal dan Haikal

May 2008 saw 2 of my nephews; Akmal and Haikal, celebrating their birthdays. 9 yo and 7yo respectively. Both are very naughty. Cheeky. Akmal is more pampered and throw more tantrum than his brother, Haziq. Haikal, on the other hand, is very obedient and smart and closer to me than his brother, Alif. Nonetheless, I love 'em all. Be a good brother k. Be a good son too.

May 2008

1 May 2008 - Birthday my nephew, Akmal Naim - 9 y.o.
3 May 2008 - Celebrate Birthday akmal and haikal at Kuala Pilah. pics will be posted shortly.
5 May - Shagged Mj Ashid.
9 May - Shagged 8 Singleb
11 May - My bff, Ana's birthday. She's 34 today.
12 May - Shagged G4 Affrin 12am.
13 May - Dated G4 Carphatz Kelana Jaya.
14 May- Shagged G4 5zol.
16 May - 21 May - Trip to Kota Kinabalu. Climbed Mt Kinabalu for the second time. Pics will be posted shortly.
26 May - Shagged G4 Sumzara twice.
29 May - Shagged Zali 2am.
30 May - Shagged 8 Mamat 2am.
31 May - Shagged Mj Fadz 2am.

My 34th birthday

I celebrated my 34th birthday on 23rd April with Ary. He gave me a lovely bouquet of small teddy bears. But the best birthday gift ever was a special birthday card drawn by my 7 yo nephew,Haikal. The sweetest birthday gift ever. I also received gifts from my ex boss, Daphne (thanks DT for the Schaeffer pen) and from my nephew, 13yo Syafiq.

Cherating trip 20 Apr-23 Apr

I've got this holiday voucher from my company and decided to go to Cherating with my best friend, Ana. I drove there and we checked in at Holiday Villa at 2pm. Cherating is nice. You can see from the pictures. Managed to shag a few guys too. :) -> G4 Azwan (20 Apr, 8pm), G4 Amser (21 Apr, 10pm), and Mj Fie (22 Apr, 8pm). I checked out of the hotel on 23 Apr around 10am which happened to fall on my 34th bithday. Happy birthday to me. I really need the break after so much toil with work. It was a good break. I just chilled by the beachside. sunbathing! jogging! Sightseeing at Kemaman! The view was just breathtaking. The food, however, sucks! I went to Teluk Chempedak too. Having my pictures taken by Ana. You should go to the other side of Teluk Chempedak. The bridge leading up to the side is simply awesome. Pretending to be model wannabe. I wish!

April 2008

1 Apr - dated G4 Odary at Pudu Ulu around 11pm. We juz had a drink at a stall nearby his place.
3 Apr - dinner date with G4 Brokenflowe at Pantai Dalam, bukit angkasa area around 11pm. Not my type though coz he sounded cocky!
5 Apr - Shagged Zali twice around 3am.
8 Apr - Shagged 8 V Zain around 7pm.
12 Apr - movie date with G4 Kentonny. Watched 'Definitely Maybe' 2.50pm at Times Square.
13 Apr - Shagged 8 The Am around 2am.
17 Apr - Shagged Mj Ashid 5pm.
24 Apr - Lunch date with Ary.
25 Apr - Shagged Mj Erictan 11.45pm.
26 Apr- Went to Kuala Pilah, Kak Izan's house.
27 Apr- Watched 'Congkak' with Ary at Times Square.
29 Apr - Shagged Mj Shah18 2am.

Dear Diary! March 08 (continued)

Hi All
I'm back after 8 months hiatus. So many things happened to me (good and bad!) throughout th period. Anyway, let's continue what happened from March 20 till March 31.

20 Mar - Celebrated Adam's birthday. He's 1 year old on 6 Mar. So cute. Here he is and his big Mickey Mouse cake.

21 Mar - Shagged 8 The Ambassador 3am.

23 Mar - Shagged 8 Neo 9pm.

24 Mar - Dated G4 Syuk at UM around 10pm. Not working for me! He's just another faker!

26 Mar - Dated G4 Ashriell at Bangi around 11pm. Not my type! Next please!

29 Mar - MJ Shah18 came over and stayed overnight. Shagged him twice; 3am and 4am. He's so cute and young and he's only 18. Yummy!

Birthdays:

1. Adam (6 Mar - 1 yo)

2. Mak Andak (5 Mar)

3. Kak Izan (7 Mar - 46 yo)

4. Ina (31 Mar - 32 yo)

Hari ini dan semalam!

Hari ini setelah satu bulan since my last post, aku ingin titip kembali apa yg berlaku padaku for the past 1 month.
17 Feb'08: Dated G4 Epiphane Fuzz. Went over to his place at Bandar Tasik Selatan around 11pm. We are supposed to go out for a drink and we ended up having tea at his house instead. He just met with an accident and he injured his leg. Poor thing! He was a nice guy. But that was it. That was the first and the last time i met him and contacted him. Sadly, he never contacted me or sms me. I guess it's bad luck again for me. Perhaps it's karma. I am doomed for romance.

20 Feb'08: Dated Mj Irwan around 11pm at Sentul. He wasn't my type though. Looked so much different in real life. Lots of teethy action. But i came clean to him after we had late dinner and told him that he wasn't my type.

22 Feb'08: Shagged G4 5zol around 6ish.

23 Feb'08: The worst day of my life. G4 yoe rejected me. It took him split seconds to reject me and i could tell from the look on his face that he loathed the sight of me. Am i that ugly? I couldn't stand it that i ended up crying myself out in the bathroom, at home. I didn't dare to go out that weekend. I just couldn't face the world. Facing another rejection.

24 Feb'08: Dated fC jeff at 1am. He was ok and all but he talked about himself a lot i.e. the fact that he is a model, a stage actor, and has a lots of fans. So, i didn't the date that much.

3 Mar'08: One of my grandfathers died. He didn't sick at all. He had problems breathing after choking on papaya that he ate during dinner. It was so sad though but he looked calm. I'm gonna miss you Tok Busu.

4 Mar'08: Funeral of my grandfather before Zohor prayer. Dated g4 fifth 6pm at Shah Alam.

5 Mar'08: Shagged mj prep around 6pm. He's short, and cute but was pretty demanding in bed something like 'fuck me hard. Harder!'. Such a dominatrix for a short guy. Dinner with g4 fifth.

8 Mar'08: Watched The spiderwick chronicle at T2 at 11.15am alone.

9 Mar'08: Went to Mamad Fever's home at Kg Baru around 1am.

11 Mar'08: First time i had a quickie in my car. FC jomkekawan sucked my dick and jerked me off. Did it at parking lot of Marriot Putrajaya around 12midnight.

13 Mar'08: Being rejected by an 8tv chatter. Again! Aku dah lali kena reject. Rejection is me.

14 Mar'08: Shagged g4 cairel twice; 3am and 5am. It was a good and tender moments with him. We talked. We cuddled. I hugged him while he was sleeping. Tucked him close to my body. Rubbing his hair gently while he was sleeping. I ended up going late to the office. Reached office around 10am.

Kenapa bukan aku?

Aku masih tertanya2 kenapa hidup aku tidak seindah atau semudah plu yang lain? Kisah cinta aku tiada yg indahnya. Aku masih tidak mahu menerima hakikat yang teman2 plu aku yang lain punya boyfriend yg muda dan cute. Teman2 plu aku tidaklah sehandsome mana. Salah seorang daripada mereka adalah bergigi 'mancung' a.k.a. jongang. Malah, aku yakin aku lagi menarik daripada mereka.

Yang menghairankan aku, the cute boyfriends are the ones suka pada teman2 aku and not the other way around. Pelik ya. Taste manusia sekarang amat berbeza. Yang cute suka pada yang jelek. Aku pun kurang pasti apa yang mereka mahukan. Wang? aku mau aje laungkan kepada dunia yang aku butuhkan boyfriend yg cute. kadang2 lewat malam, aku pasti menangis sendirian di kamar. aku feel so much like a loser.

Mungkin ada benarnya kata2 teman plu aku yang aku ini 'vicious', 'cold hearted' dan karena itu, ramai yang takut kepada aku dan karena itu jugalah tiada orang yang suka sama aku. Tapi, aku juga manusia. punya hati. punya perasaan. punya keinginan. punya impian. punya hasrat. punya mimpi. punya harapan. punya cita2. punya matlamat. punya hak. hak untuk bercinta. hak untuk dicintai. Kenapa mereka? kenapa bukan aku?

REJECTION KILLS!

I was rejected last night. I'm so sad right now. He told me i wasn't his type. But, the truth is, why he even bother to come down to KL to meet me if i'm not his type in the first place. Pelik Bin Ajaib. Very weird. So insanely absurd that some people would do such thing. He doesn't even have the "balls" to say to me upfront. But, instead, he send me an SMS "rejecting" me.

Some people are just unbelievable. That saying or statement "I don't go for looks. It's what inside that counts. Your heart matters. Saya tak melihat pada paras rupa. Yang penting hati yang ikhlas dan jujur. " What a croak of shits! Bullshit! That's how I summarize these types of people. Manusia ini ternyata bodoh. Manusia ini bodoh. Tapi yang membezakan kebodohan itu ialah rasional dan logika. I am myself a human, a manusia but yang membezakan aku dengan manusia lain ialah logik. Kalau niat atau nawaitu ikhlas, berlaku jujur is the best. Honesty is always the best policy.

The hardest part of putting myself out there looking for love, dating is - rejection. It just feels awful. But, people still are superficial. They base on your looks before factoring little details about you. and most of the time, they are rejecting you before you reject them. They take people at face value. If they are looking for Brad Pitt, they might as well "take a hike".

All I can say is that this is not my first rejection. This is my first for 2008. I should open my own "Reject Shop" with every corner of my shops describing how i was being rejected. It is become so popular that people will come to my shop which is essentially a cafe and not a shop that the cafe would be a hotspot for people who have been rejected to dine and share something in common. I should do that. Always remember, "people never reject the real you". It's their loss actually. They reject what they imagine you to be before they ever really have the chance to know the real you.

I've Been stood up!

Do you ever been stood up? I did, yesterday. It sucked. I felt so stupid waiting for a guy who didn't show up. We are supposed to meet at Lot 10 in front of Secret Recipe at 12noon. And there i am, reaching there at 12.05pm and waiting patiently. Time flies by and after countless calls and sms. none of them he answered. I'm so pissed that i told to myself that if he didn't show up until 1pm, i had to make a move. Truthfully, the guy didn't show up.

So, he literally screwed my Sunday. My Sunday is spoilt. And guess what time he called me? He called me up at 2.30pm. 2.5 hours after our supposedly dating time. he called me like 10 times and only at the 10th call, i picked up the phone and he said, "Bang, man ni." Then, i quickly hung up. Then, i send him an SMS, "please stop calling me. Dun sms me. Dun reply to this sms." Then, later at night, he told me that he left his handphone with his friend and he had a huge hangover last nite after went clubbing last nite and he woke up late. What a stupid excuse!

If i ever see him again, i should break his skull. A guy who forgets his "scheduled dates" shows a sign of trouble. A troubled soul perhaps! He is probably (A) Unorganized, (B) Unreliable, and (C) not committed. i will not deal with someone who is second rate. i will not send him any more emails and i will not call him. Time to move on.

LARAKU!

Tuhan,
Laraku tiada siapa yang tahu.
Dukaku menjengah acapkali lewat ini.
Tangisanku tiada nada tiada lagu.
Sebakku mendatang acapkali lewat ini.

Tuhanku,
Dinihari ini aman dan sepi.
Melakar potret laraku.
Dinihari ini indah dan sunyi.
Mencoret episod laraku.

Entah kenapa aku terasa terasing di celah-celah kehidupan di kota bernama Kuala Lumpur. Terasing tapi kuteruskan jua. kerana aku bukan seorang a "quitter'. i am a survivor. Hanya irama dan lagu penghibur diri. My Ipod and iTunes save my day from being a catastrophe. It keeps me going. It keeps me at bay. It keeps me positive. It keeps me surviving. It keeps me alive.

Hanya wayang dan DVD penghibur diri. Biarlah orang kata aku gila tengok wayang seorang diri. Biarlah orang kata aku a "freak". Biar apa orang kata. Peduli apa aku. Aku memang manusia paling terlara. Lebih baik aku mencintaiku daripada mengharap cinta orang lain yang entahkan bila tercapai. Biarkan manusia2 lain gembira diamuk cinta. Tapi bukan aku.

Biarkan aku dengan laraku.
Biarkan aku dengan laraku.
Biarkan aku dengan laraku.
Kerana laraku itu dunia aku.

Kala bulan menjelma

Sebenarnya aku tak ada idea nak tulis apa dalam blog ni. Tapi kebetulan, from my room i can see Bukit Jalil National Stadium and coincidentally, it's a full moon tonight. Bulan penuh. Sungguh indah. Sungguh terang. I dunno why everytime i see a full moon, i will get goosebumps and suddenly, i will get melancholic. kadangkala aku akan berbicara dengan bulan. My friend said, "You are a nutcase. As if the moon can talk to you."

Somehow, i feel the moon is listening to me. biarlah apa org kata aku gila ke. Lunatic! Opps. Yes i am lunatic since moon means luna in spanish. So, i am going ga ga over the Luna. Bulan oh bulan! Alangkah bestnya kalau kau boleh berbicara denganku. Ini bukan kali pertama aku bercakap dgn bulan. Malah setiap kali bulan penuh menjelma, aku pasti berbual dengan kau. Malam ni aku tak tau nak cakap apa dengan kau.

Aku baru aje berchatting dengan seorang guy di YM. everything is going well and we even planned to have sex until... he asked me whether a guy can join us for 3some i.e. he wants to be doublefucked. 2 dick inside his ass. i said no. i dun do such thing not even 3some and orgy. not since i had bad experience in both. but he still insist and when i asked why. he said kawan dia cakap sedap. so he wants to try to be doublefucked. so, i got so mad until he merajuk.

Some people are just unbelievable. just because i shagged a lot that doesn't mean i'm into group sex. it's just not me. he just ruined my nite bulan. Bulan, kenapa aku selalu aje jumpa orang yg nak sex aje? Dah tu jumpa org yg pschotic. Bosan betul. Ok lah bulan. Time to go! Nite nite! Talk to you again.

Me, plus none

I'm sick of always going out with the wrong guy and having strings of bad dates. Just had another bad date today (20 Jan 08). This guy is kinda cute. Not your typical Malay guy even if "nampak lembut sikit" (just a little bit). We have been planning to meet each other since last year but just today baru ada peluang nak jumpa. The date was going fine until when he showed me pictures of guys who had shagged him. All the guys are drop dead gorgeous. Hunky! models! So, i asked myself why the hell he told me that. I am so NOT a model and why he agreed to go out on a date with me. He told every sordid details of how the guys screwed him. And all i can say is "ooh. Really? Ohh again. Yeah. really again." So, i've sworn from now onwards that i'd rather date myself.

I so need some alone time for myself. Maybe, having a boyfriend wasn't important anymore. So, what are the things that I could or must do to date moi:


1. Starting a to do list to keep me occupied.
2. To write a list of must-see TV programs everyday for shows showing after 6pm (my office hours).
2.1. Friends - Star World - Mon to Fri - 6.30pm-7pm - "The only cure when i'm down".
2.2. The Amazing Race - AXN - Mon - 9pm - "pure adrenaline. Every season gets better."
2.3. Heroes - Star World - Tues - 9pm - "peter petrelli is just superdelicious. fly me anytime."
2.4. Brothers & Sisters - Star World - Tues - 10pm - "Calista's back with a vengeance."
2.5. The Contender Asia Muay Thai - AXN - Wed - 9pm - "Thai guys always have a place in my heart."
2.6. The Amazing Race Asia - AXN - Thurs - 9pm - "rovilson and marc. Hubba hubba!"

3. Start naming everyday a specific name so that I have a mental note what kind of dating I will be having.
3.1. Saturday:
a. Movie day - a day for me to watch movies. One in the morning and one in the evening.
b. Book day - reading books / magazines at Kino (KLCC) / Borders (Times square) / MPH (mid valley) between movie breaks.

4. Keep a healthy lifestyle. Jogging 5 times a week (Mon, Wed, Fri, Sat, Sun)

5. Travel alone or with one friend and meet new people. I travel once in each quarter. Travel plans for 2008.
Quarter 1 - Bali (Jan)
Quarter 2 - Kota Kinabalu (Jun)
Quarter 3 - Bangkok & Ayuthaya (Aug)
Quarter 4 - Jakarta, Bandung, Yogya (Oct)

Itu Aku: Prolog

"Tahukah lagu yang kau suka.

Tahukah bintang yang kau sapa.

Tahukah rumah yang kau tuju…

Ini aku.."



Inilah aku. Kisah hidup aku. Aku yang seadanya. Tiada lebih. Tiada kurangnya. Aku mulakan lembaran baru 2008 dengan titipan blog dalam Bahasa Melayu. OMG (Oh my God!). I can't remember the last time i wrote in Malay. Maybe masa sekolah menengah dulu kat SDAR. Yes people, i studied at SDAR. One of the "only boys" boarding school in Malaysia. Tempat pembiakan pelajar2 plu. Termasuklah aku.

Tentang Aku? Aku adalah insan plu yang single. I'm happy and proud to say that i am a 33y.o. gay guy, not entirely happy, single, and desperate. In short, single desperate gay guy in KL. What more can you ask for? Tiada indahnya jadi aku. Ada lara. Ada duka. Ada suka. Hey, that's life. It sucks but you've gotta love it. Inilah kisah hidup aku. Hidup sebagai manusia yang ingin mencintai dan dicintai. But then again, what is love? Apa itu cinta?

I - Inilah kisah hidup aku
T - Tiada indah tiada gundah
U - Untuk aku buat aku

A - Ada suka ada lara
K - Kadang kabur kadang terang
U - Untuk aku buat aku