I've Been stood up!

Do you ever been stood up? I did, yesterday. It sucked. I felt so stupid waiting for a guy who didn't show up. We are supposed to meet at Lot 10 in front of Secret Recipe at 12noon. And there i am, reaching there at 12.05pm and waiting patiently. Time flies by and after countless calls and sms. none of them he answered. I'm so pissed that i told to myself that if he didn't show up until 1pm, i had to make a move. Truthfully, the guy didn't show up.

So, he literally screwed my Sunday. My Sunday is spoilt. And guess what time he called me? He called me up at 2.30pm. 2.5 hours after our supposedly dating time. he called me like 10 times and only at the 10th call, i picked up the phone and he said, "Bang, man ni." Then, i quickly hung up. Then, i send him an SMS, "please stop calling me. Dun sms me. Dun reply to this sms." Then, later at night, he told me that he left his handphone with his friend and he had a huge hangover last nite after went clubbing last nite and he woke up late. What a stupid excuse!

If i ever see him again, i should break his skull. A guy who forgets his "scheduled dates" shows a sign of trouble. A troubled soul perhaps! He is probably (A) Unorganized, (B) Unreliable, and (C) not committed. i will not deal with someone who is second rate. i will not send him any more emails and i will not call him. Time to move on.

LARAKU!

Tuhan,
Laraku tiada siapa yang tahu.
Dukaku menjengah acapkali lewat ini.
Tangisanku tiada nada tiada lagu.
Sebakku mendatang acapkali lewat ini.

Tuhanku,
Dinihari ini aman dan sepi.
Melakar potret laraku.
Dinihari ini indah dan sunyi.
Mencoret episod laraku.

Entah kenapa aku terasa terasing di celah-celah kehidupan di kota bernama Kuala Lumpur. Terasing tapi kuteruskan jua. kerana aku bukan seorang a "quitter'. i am a survivor. Hanya irama dan lagu penghibur diri. My Ipod and iTunes save my day from being a catastrophe. It keeps me going. It keeps me at bay. It keeps me positive. It keeps me surviving. It keeps me alive.

Hanya wayang dan DVD penghibur diri. Biarlah orang kata aku gila tengok wayang seorang diri. Biarlah orang kata aku a "freak". Biar apa orang kata. Peduli apa aku. Aku memang manusia paling terlara. Lebih baik aku mencintaiku daripada mengharap cinta orang lain yang entahkan bila tercapai. Biarkan manusia2 lain gembira diamuk cinta. Tapi bukan aku.

Biarkan aku dengan laraku.
Biarkan aku dengan laraku.
Biarkan aku dengan laraku.
Kerana laraku itu dunia aku.

Kala bulan menjelma

Sebenarnya aku tak ada idea nak tulis apa dalam blog ni. Tapi kebetulan, from my room i can see Bukit Jalil National Stadium and coincidentally, it's a full moon tonight. Bulan penuh. Sungguh indah. Sungguh terang. I dunno why everytime i see a full moon, i will get goosebumps and suddenly, i will get melancholic. kadangkala aku akan berbicara dengan bulan. My friend said, "You are a nutcase. As if the moon can talk to you."

Somehow, i feel the moon is listening to me. biarlah apa org kata aku gila ke. Lunatic! Opps. Yes i am lunatic since moon means luna in spanish. So, i am going ga ga over the Luna. Bulan oh bulan! Alangkah bestnya kalau kau boleh berbicara denganku. Ini bukan kali pertama aku bercakap dgn bulan. Malah setiap kali bulan penuh menjelma, aku pasti berbual dengan kau. Malam ni aku tak tau nak cakap apa dengan kau.

Aku baru aje berchatting dengan seorang guy di YM. everything is going well and we even planned to have sex until... he asked me whether a guy can join us for 3some i.e. he wants to be doublefucked. 2 dick inside his ass. i said no. i dun do such thing not even 3some and orgy. not since i had bad experience in both. but he still insist and when i asked why. he said kawan dia cakap sedap. so he wants to try to be doublefucked. so, i got so mad until he merajuk.

Some people are just unbelievable. just because i shagged a lot that doesn't mean i'm into group sex. it's just not me. he just ruined my nite bulan. Bulan, kenapa aku selalu aje jumpa orang yg nak sex aje? Dah tu jumpa org yg pschotic. Bosan betul. Ok lah bulan. Time to go! Nite nite! Talk to you again.

Me, plus none

I'm sick of always going out with the wrong guy and having strings of bad dates. Just had another bad date today (20 Jan 08). This guy is kinda cute. Not your typical Malay guy even if "nampak lembut sikit" (just a little bit). We have been planning to meet each other since last year but just today baru ada peluang nak jumpa. The date was going fine until when he showed me pictures of guys who had shagged him. All the guys are drop dead gorgeous. Hunky! models! So, i asked myself why the hell he told me that. I am so NOT a model and why he agreed to go out on a date with me. He told every sordid details of how the guys screwed him. And all i can say is "ooh. Really? Ohh again. Yeah. really again." So, i've sworn from now onwards that i'd rather date myself.

I so need some alone time for myself. Maybe, having a boyfriend wasn't important anymore. So, what are the things that I could or must do to date moi:


1. Starting a to do list to keep me occupied.
2. To write a list of must-see TV programs everyday for shows showing after 6pm (my office hours).
2.1. Friends - Star World - Mon to Fri - 6.30pm-7pm - "The only cure when i'm down".
2.2. The Amazing Race - AXN - Mon - 9pm - "pure adrenaline. Every season gets better."
2.3. Heroes - Star World - Tues - 9pm - "peter petrelli is just superdelicious. fly me anytime."
2.4. Brothers & Sisters - Star World - Tues - 10pm - "Calista's back with a vengeance."
2.5. The Contender Asia Muay Thai - AXN - Wed - 9pm - "Thai guys always have a place in my heart."
2.6. The Amazing Race Asia - AXN - Thurs - 9pm - "rovilson and marc. Hubba hubba!"

3. Start naming everyday a specific name so that I have a mental note what kind of dating I will be having.
3.1. Saturday:
a. Movie day - a day for me to watch movies. One in the morning and one in the evening.
b. Book day - reading books / magazines at Kino (KLCC) / Borders (Times square) / MPH (mid valley) between movie breaks.

4. Keep a healthy lifestyle. Jogging 5 times a week (Mon, Wed, Fri, Sat, Sun)

5. Travel alone or with one friend and meet new people. I travel once in each quarter. Travel plans for 2008.
Quarter 1 - Bali (Jan)
Quarter 2 - Kota Kinabalu (Jun)
Quarter 3 - Bangkok & Ayuthaya (Aug)
Quarter 4 - Jakarta, Bandung, Yogya (Oct)

Itu Aku: Prolog

"Tahukah lagu yang kau suka.

Tahukah bintang yang kau sapa.

Tahukah rumah yang kau tuju…

Ini aku.."



Inilah aku. Kisah hidup aku. Aku yang seadanya. Tiada lebih. Tiada kurangnya. Aku mulakan lembaran baru 2008 dengan titipan blog dalam Bahasa Melayu. OMG (Oh my God!). I can't remember the last time i wrote in Malay. Maybe masa sekolah menengah dulu kat SDAR. Yes people, i studied at SDAR. One of the "only boys" boarding school in Malaysia. Tempat pembiakan pelajar2 plu. Termasuklah aku.

Tentang Aku? Aku adalah insan plu yang single. I'm happy and proud to say that i am a 33y.o. gay guy, not entirely happy, single, and desperate. In short, single desperate gay guy in KL. What more can you ask for? Tiada indahnya jadi aku. Ada lara. Ada duka. Ada suka. Hey, that's life. It sucks but you've gotta love it. Inilah kisah hidup aku. Hidup sebagai manusia yang ingin mencintai dan dicintai. But then again, what is love? Apa itu cinta?

I - Inilah kisah hidup aku
T - Tiada indah tiada gundah
U - Untuk aku buat aku

A - Ada suka ada lara
K - Kadang kabur kadang terang
U - Untuk aku buat aku